1. A person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence
2. hazel
in my challenge to others to be more open and vulnerable, so that we may all grow closer together as brothers in sisters in Christ, i figure that i too should make the first step in taking the risk of opening up... lest i be called a hypocrite. and i guess opening up for me, involves blogging even when i'm in the lows of the valley.
anyways... continuing from that, just recently, i've been feelin kinda bleh... dunno why, can't really explain it... but i just have been. and as a result, i find that i'm just pushing people away... just don't feel like talkin to 'em or whatever... and well it's easier for me to do that during the school year and use school as an excuse... i think it's safe to say that once that school year has started, a hermit is what i turn out to be.. i say stuff like i have work to do (which i do) and thus can't talk to people (which is partially true, but you can always make time for things you want to do). it's only recently that i've become aware of these hermitic tendencies, and come to think of it, a lot of design students say this too... that when the school year starts, being in the design program turns us into hermits for a good 8 months of the year. but i think it's more than that... i feel like part of it is very self-centered... as in, well if people won't approach me to talk, then i don't wanna keep trying to talk to them... cuz well friendship's a two-way street with both sides trying to make efforts to talk to one another... it's not exactly the best mindset to have... i know that... it's a bad thing.. and i know it's quite self-destructive... but even in knowing this, i can't shake the feeling.
i'm thinkin that this onslaught of bleh-ness may be the result of Satan trying to get at me. being in leadership positions this year both at CCF and at Titus, as well as serving on the worship team at church and what not, i feel that maybe this is one of those things that Satan's using to get me to run away from and segregate myself from my community of believers. logically, i know that the thing to do is to try harder to talk to those around me, my close brothers and sisters in Christ, but logic doesn't always triumph over emotion. it's gotten better over the past couple of days... but it's not completely resolved yet. but in times like these, i find that i go to God a whole lot more and spend a lot more time journalling and praying and stuff... so i guess what Satan meant for evil, resulted in me drawing closer to Him who is Able ... :)
gonna try to update this more often.. perhaps with more insights and what not. :D